Five Ways to Tell if Your Fiancé is Financially Compatible

Before you walk down the aisle, you have a lot of things to take care of. And I'm not talking about place settings and bridesmaid dresses. Are you and your fiancé on the same page money-wise? Because if you're not, your wedding day could be the first of a long and bumpy journey together.

Money problems are the number one reason couples divorce in this country. And especially in this economy, you need to make sure your union is one that can hold up for richer or poorer... In other words, you don't want to marry a deadbeat.

How to Make Sure Your Future Spouse Doesn't Take You for every Dime:

1. Find out about his/her debt before the big day. Lay it all on the line. Insist on seeing his credit card bills. And if your sweetie won't 'fess up to how much he owes, do you really want to marry someone who's spending is out of control and he's less than honest to boot? If the two of you are going to spend your lives together, neither one should have anything to hide. And remember, once you're married, his debt is your debt. I'm not saying your future mate has to have a pristine past, but if you're a consumate saver and he is an unabashed spender without any regard for your feelings, this is no match made in heaven...And you should run the h--- away, very fast.

2. Does your fiancé bring up how much money you have, a lot? It's ok to talk about your assets, in fact that's an important topic you should bring up before you walk down the aisle. But does he/she obsess over it? I mean, does he go gah gah over your brand new car or your swanky uptown apartment? Is he overly concerned about appearances and social status? Does he talk excessively about the things you both can purchase once you are married? If you answered "yes" to these questions, you may be tying the knot with a gold digger. My advice--dump the guy right away, or at the very least, make him sign an iron-clad prenup.

3. Do Mom and Dad still take care of the finances? If he can't balance a check book, and the folks bail him out every time he overdraws, you might be in for a rude awakening right after your honeymoon. I mean, if he can't handle his finances now, what happens when it's time to send a kid to college or start planning for retirement? Now's the time to set up a household budget, and if you can't come to terms on one, it doesn't matter if you disagree on the china pattern or paint colors, this problem could send you to divorce court before you unpack all the gifts.

4. Does your fiancé try to impress you with money? It's ok if he wants to shower you with presents in the beginning. But now that you are planning for a future together, the excessive spending should stop. I mean, really, what is he trying to hide behind all those flower deliveries and candy gifts? Is he concealing some kind of insecurity? Does he think you won't like what's underneath once all the presents stop? Get to the bottom of this now, before you're on your honeymoon and find out, this isn't the person you thought you were marrying.

5. Does he/she feel the need to control all aspects of your finances? If your fiancé insists on balancing your check book for you, and feels the need to control your every purchase, something is very wrong with this picture. Once you're married, each of you should have your own checking account, and one joint account. And he shouldn't pick on every little purchase you make, unless your spending is getting out of control. You should consult each other on big purchases, but if you have to ask him every time you visit the grocery store, you have a control freak on your hands.

Remember, it's difficult to change someone after you walk down the aisle, but if you decide to tie the knot anyway, you might have to spend a lifetime trying.

A Wedding or a House? What Should Parents of the Bride Pay for?

A wedding is a special day that you will remember forever. But honestly, what is more important, that one day or your entire marriage?

You have to get over that story book idea of a grand wedding with all the trimmings and start thinking about how you are going to start a life together. You don't need place settings and a fancy wedding cake nearly as much as you need a roof over your head and savings for the future. That's why I say, skip the wedding, and if your parents offer to pay for one, ask them to help you with the down payment on a house instead.

Especially now, with foreclosures and rock-bottom home prices; take advantage of all the deals and buy a home. You'll appreciate it down the road, much more than a dusty photo album with some old pictures.

Help! My Boyfriend is Cheap; What do I do?

A young woman wants to know why, when she constantly buys her boyfriend expensive gifts, he doesn't give her anything in return.

First of all, stop buying him gifts!! If you're purchasing him expensive electronic items, and he give you cheap jewery in return, you've got to know something is up. Take a good hard look at your relationship. Is he only in it because you buy him things? Start by giving him nothing, and see what happens. If he starts to pull away, you know he is out for only one thing, money!

Never begin a relationship buying gifts. Say you start dating in October and the holidays are right around the corner. You could get him some candy or an ornament, but nothing more. If he gets you something more expensive and you really like him, great! And I don't care which of you makes more money. Giving gifts too soon is simply inappropriate.

If you start dating someone and suddenly you find out his birthday is the following week, you have two options. You can (a) buy him a cup of coffee for his big day, or (b) buy him his favorite candy. (Candy is always the best option for the beginning of a relationship.) You can customize the chocolate by going to a store that sells theme candy. Say he is into fixing up cars. Get him a chocolate convertible surrounded by candy shaped into tools. That shows you are thinking about what his interests are, but you aren't spending a lot of money.

Remember, you can't take things too slowly, especially in the gift-giving department. And if you are broke and a holiday is near, a card shows you really care.

Paying for an Anniversary Dinner; Can We Afford it?

You've been married two years, 10 years, 50 years...whatever. You need to celebrate those milestones. With the divorce rate in this country hovering around 50 percent, anytime you reach another year, it is worth a dinner out, at least.



But in these trying times, can you afford it? You can't afford not to. You and your spouse need to put each other first. For one evening a year, don't think of the kids or the carpools or the bills or any other problem. You've got to have joy in your marriage. You're not roommates, you're a united couple, so act like one! Go out on the town, even if it means the local diner for an early-bird special or an all-you-can-eat buffet with a $5 off coupon. As long as the two of you go out and stare into each other's eyes for at least one hour! This doesn't have to be an elegant gourmet meal at the swankiest French restaurant in town. The local Dairy Queen will do (in a pinch.) In fact, don't wait for your anniversary. Try and make a point to have a quiet meal together once a month. And if you can't afford a night out, make it a picnic in the park with cheese from Sam's Club and some bread from your local bakery outlet. Don't let a lack of money ruin the good times. Remember when you were very young and very broke and you still had fun? Or if you are young and broke now, are you still having fun?



It's not about the money, it's about the relationship, and making a point of putting it first.

Who Should Pay on a Date? And What Does it Mean if A Guy Doesn't Pick up the Tab?

You're out on a first date with a guy you really like. You've just finished dessert. The waiter brings the bill. Your man doesn't reach for it. In fact, he just lets it sit there. What do you do? Do you (a) grab the bill and pay for both of you? Or (b) suggest that you split the meal? Or (c) run for the hills?

I would say a combination of all three. First, suggest that you split the dinner 50/50, because clearly this clown is not about to pay. If he makes up some lame excuse like he doesn't have any cash or he forgot his wallet, nicely agree to pay, and then run for the hills...and I mean run. Get out of there. You don't want anything to do with this loser. I don't care if we're in the worst recession of the century, that is no way to behave on a date. If he didn't want to pay for dinner, he shouldn't have asked you out. And if he is short on cash, he could have explained that to you before you arrived at the restaurant. If someone is having financial problems, that's perfectly understandable. Then make it a date for coffee instead of a meal, or an evening out at a free concert in the park. There are ways around money problems. But there is no way around plain rudeness.

Run, girl, run.